Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we're making bets on your personal life
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
