Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize