sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
