textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
