You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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