I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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