I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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