dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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