Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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