come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
