Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize