Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
