Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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