She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
