in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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