you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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