He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
