singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
