$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
