so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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