grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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