Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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