Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
