he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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