why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
