Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
