The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
