You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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