Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
