best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
