How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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