Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
