She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
