i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
