I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
