I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
