he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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