I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
