i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
