I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Holy sore nipples Batman
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
