Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
