I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
