my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
