I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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