I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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