You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
