It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
