I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
