dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
