Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
