i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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