Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
