I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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