I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
