genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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