That's intense
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
