I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
