drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
