I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
