You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
