Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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