I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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