Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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