Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
