i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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