So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize