I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
