After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
