ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you had me at cake vodka
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
