remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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