Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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